Sunday, December 19, 2010

How Different My Life Is

I can't believe it's been 5 months since I left Jakarta and one quarter of my studies have passed. So many aspects of my life changed and I have learned a lot from the experience of living by myself.

Ever since I knew I had the opportunity to study at the US, I felt that I was obligated to make the most out of it. I still do. I have to work really hard, learn as much as I can, get good grades, make people back home proud, and prove that a Psychology major can do good in Business School. Apparently it's far more difficult than I thought it would be.

I used to be a laid back student and felt that getting a GPA above 3 out of 4 is good enough, thus I didn't put too much effort in studying. Now, almost everyday, I study until past midnight even though it's not exam week, I have to do group discussions, read case studies, and do readings. It is indeed typical for a student, but I don't usually do this during college and high school. The student lifestyle change was sort of frustrating to me. During class, I felt that I have to understand and contribute in class discussions. After class, I have to rush through my lunch and go to group discussions, where I also felt that I have to contribute. By the time I'm home, I continued studying or make write-ups, which takes me quite some time because I don't feel very confident with my academic writing. If the above activities are not fulfilled, I feel very anxious, which frustrates me. There were times where I actually cried because my anxiety has taken a toll on me, and eventually frustrates me even more because I feel pathetic that I've become such an ambitious student.

As for my daily life, it has also changed a lot. I live alone, and most of my friends I hang out with live pretty far from my apartment. As much as I like being alone, it gets lonely every once and a while. But most of the time, I like being by myself and have the liberty to do anything I want.
Of course, I do all house chores by myself. Grocery shopping, cleaning, washing, cooking, paying bills, you name it. I thought this part of living alone will be tough for me, but I actually enjoy doing it. I like walking through the aisles in the supermarket, cooking the way I want it to be, have a sparkling white sink, have a clean spoon when I need it or have my clothes smell good. I get to appreciate those little things I never pay attention to.

Other than enjoying house chores, there are other surprises I experienced. Considering that I have always lived with my parents my whole lifetime, it's surprising I have not cried, not even once, because of homesick. Being in a long distance relationship with M.S. is also not as difficult as I thought it would be. Furthermore, living far from home made me understand what my sister is going through this whole time, I feel that I'm closer to her because I feel the need to talk to her more often. It's embarrassing how I only made a skype account after I moved, which is 5 years after my sister moved from Jakarta.

A couple of weeks ago my friend asked me whether or not I'm happy here. I hesitated when I answered that question because I never thought of it. After writing my thoughts on this post, I know for sure what my answer is: I am definitely happy.

Happy holidays!
Greetings from my frustrated-yet-happy-student desk


Fadil Pinandita said...

If it's you, I believe you'll survive and make the most out of it.. Maybe even better than people's expectation of you..

I know, and you know, you'll be more than just fine..

Keep your spirit high.. ;)

Chitra! said...

Ah deasy. Just enjoy all the process and efforts you did so far, I know you can do your best and being happy there. My advice, please don't study too hard and if needed buy a pair of shoes to make your day happier. Semangat deasy!

Deasy P. said...

Fadhil: You're too nice. I hope I'll do just fine. Thank you for the kind words. : )

Chili: Iyaa.. I'm trying my best to enjoy all the ups and downs here. Hehehe.. akan gue coba saran lo itu, yang gue yakin pasti ampuh. Miss you chillii...

Dandan said...

Fully understand you! It's really exhausted sometimes and the loneliness is almost killing me... But when the semester ends,when I told my parents and all the friends back home the life here,it's just amazing to find how much I've been growing up and progressing!

We'll be there finally~! Really proud of you coz in my mind you are the girl who always smiling to others and so optimistic no matter how difficult life is~~!